Sebastian has no problem with artificial intelligence. At least, not if it can help the San Francisco thirtysomething connect with more bubble-butt users on hookup apps like Grindr. “If the AI can find someone I can just do the work with, I’m fine,” he says. “No talk. Just push-ups.”
Lucky for Sebastian, Grindr aims to please. Machine-learning features are prominent on the app’s product road map for 2025. CEO George Arison believes the addition of AI tools to the app, which largely caters to LGBTQ+ singles, could prove beneficial for users looking to discover new people worth messaging or possibly connecting with again. Further in the future, the app hopes to release a “wingman” chatbot, currently being beta tested by a limited number of users, that will provide tailored advice and even suggest date spots.
As the generative AI race heated up following OpenAI’s release of ChatGPT in 2022, execs at many dating app companies looked to integrate the technology into their user experiences. Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe Herd pitched the idea of AI dating personas automatically interacting on behalf of users. Her app is currently working on AI-powered profile creation and messaging options. Not to be left out, Tinder dropped a tool in 2024 designed to help you pick the best profile photos; it plans to roll out AI-assisted matches later this year.
Late last year, Hinge CEO Justin McLeod promised the app would soon be using the tech for everything from making matches to AI coaching. “While AI is not going to be a panacea when it comes to the very deeply and personal problem of love,” he told investors, “I can tell you that it is going to transform the dating app experience.”
Several AI-focused newcomers have also entered the fray in recent years. These tools focus more on AI advice than using machine learning to build networks of eligible daters. Rizz (yes, really) went viral for helping users on existing dating platforms role-play different responses to matches, earning an international following. Hell, even the Hawk Tuah girl released a dating advice app, called Pookie Tools, which included a flirt meter, height detector, and bald predictor.
AI, if it hasn’t already, is coming for your swipes. It couldn’t be a better, or worse, time. Many people feel like the current ways dating apps connect them with others aren’t successful, but they’re still looking online for love—and sex. As generative AI has seeped into all parts of online life, being able to discern what’s genuine has only gotten harder. Adding bot-on-bot action to the mix sure doesn’t sound like the answer. But if it’s not, is there anything that can save digital dating from itself?
Of all the new tools out there, Iris Dating might be the one for those already deep into AI-assisted meetups. With over a million downloads from the Google Play Store since 2019, Iris is busy. It seemed like a good place to start if I wanted to find out whether all these AI widgets were worth it.
After downloading the app, Iris asked for my location and a few scant details about who I was hoping to be matched with. Then, without warning, a disembodied woman’s head popped up on the screen and encouraged me with her robotic voice to take a photo of my face for verification purposes and to keep the app a “safe space.”
The last phase of the setup involved swiping left and right on stock images of people’s faces until the app, supposedly, figured out what profiles matched my true “#AttractionDNA.” Despite choosing men and women of various racial backgrounds during the swiping, most of the matches Iris connected me with were women living in the Philippines. Iris CEO and founder Igor Khalatian explained over email that this was likely due to the app recently going viral with Filipino users. He added that the company is working on a better balance for these connections.
One person I connected with, Chloe, was an avid user of the app and thought the vague AI aspect was cool and beneficial.
“Yeah, it’s helpful,” she told me. “Because you can have some good friends on here.” Despite using the app for the past six months and enjoying the conversations, Chloe hadn’t yet met up with any of her matches in person. (All user names in this story have been changed to preserve anonymity.)
Another one of the women, Althea, was new to the app, using it alongside other options like Bumpy and OkCupid. Althea didn’t really care much about the AI aspect of Iris. “I don’t know,” she says. “I just guess I can find a serious relationship here maybe.”
As I spoke with more women on the app, it was fairly clear that many of the users hewed closer to Althea’s point of view than to Chloe’s. Connecting with the right person through a hookup or dating app feels like a numbers game to many people as they juggle multiple accounts. Ultimately, everyone feels like they’re algorithm chum even before they get into AI tools. These users are willing to show up wherever it seems like other people worth finding might be hanging out.
Some of the Grindr users that I reached out to in San Francisco were similarly ambivalent about the app’s plans for AI features, and almost no one had heard about the wingman chatbot, despite living in America’s tech capital. As long as it doesn’t interfere too much with their core goals on Grindr, this subset of users didn’t seem to care either way about new tools.
Another group of users were turned off to learn about the plans for more AI features. “I am philosophically very anti-AI,” Tomás told me. “Part of relationship building—be it sexual, romantic, platonic—involves dealing with friction. I think the more organic approach is to not have AI involved.” While Tomás acknowledged that AI features might be potentially helpful for other users, he doesn’t see the tools as aligning with his personal beliefs or real reason for using the app: sex.
I messaged Sebastian again to better understand his perspective, curious if he had other thoughts about AI tools, dating apps, and hookups that he wanted to share. “Yes, man. Many,” he wrote, before dropping four huge, blue-bubble messages in our chat together. His answer listed four pros (better matches, improved safety, conversation starters, profile optimization) and four cons (lack of authenticity, privacy concerns, algorithmic bias, overreliance on AI), organized neatly into lists and accompanied by emoji. It’s immediately clear what Sebastian is up to, so I asked if that answer was generated by AI. He quickly responds, “Yes. So, you get me?”