If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably being shot by Donald Trump Jr.
In a recent video, Donald Trump Jr. appears to be hunting animals in a “Natura 2000” EU conservation zone in the Venice lagoon. | Creative Commons via Wikimedia
February 7, 2025 4:00 am CET
Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.
There’s a war coming to EU!
It’s been all over the news the past few days, but few seem to have noticed. And it’s not like people didn’t see it coming, we’ve experienced similar behavior in the past; pundits and political adversaries screaming at our TV screens in outrage, pointing fingers at the insensitivity and lack of understanding of foreign laws.
But we shouldn’t be surprised. After all, this is what Donald Trump loves doing. He created chaos and allowed himself to bring home a nice trophy to add to his collection — why wouldn’t he do that?
Donald Trump Junior, that is, not senior. Declassified always gets the two mixed up — they look so alike! Same name, the same sense of absolute charm and class about them, and most of all, the same unmistakable sparkle in the eye. But this time we’re definitely talking about the slightly less orange of the Donnies.
Donny the Junior Menace was accused by Italian lawmakers of waging war on a rare species of ducks earlier this week. Ruddy shelduck (or Tadorna ferruginea) to be exact. A real cutie, google it.
In a recently surfaced video, Trump Jr. appears to be hunting animals in a “Natura 2000” EU conservation zone in the Venice lagoon; an act that would break both Italian and EU environmental protection regulations. Donny is also showing off his deep knowledge and understanding of the animal kingdom by describing the wildlife he is seeing as “actually a rather uncommon duck for the area. Not even sure what it is in English.”
The EU might be readying itself for the trade tariffs that are coming from the other Donald Trump, but Italians draw the line at ducklings. And so they unleashed the most powerful tool at their disposal: bureaucracy.
Not one, but two (!!) separate parliamentary questions have been filed by local environmentalists and lawmakers, urging regional and national authorities to take action against the alleged crime against quack-anity.
Declassified got its hands on a secret speech prepared by an Italian parliamentarian who definitely exists but shall remain nameless because of reasons, and it goes something like this:
“We shall defend our ducks, whatever the cost may be.
“We shall fight on the lagoon, we shall fight on the Rialto bridge, we shall fight in the canals and in the gondole, we shall fight in the cicchetterie.
“We shall never surrender.”
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Last week we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.
“The European Commission tests new visual performance to keep Trump’s attention during tariff negotiations.”
by Stefan de Koning